Dnevnik jednog sanjara

03 Jun, 2012

Drugacija ili gubitnik?

Moj Blog — Autor svatalepalica @ 16:35
Nikad nisam imala puno prijatelja, bar onih vrednih, i kako sam bivala starija i pametnija, resila sam da zadrzim pored sebe samo one prave, jer mi je postalo muka od malih razgovora,preteranog razmisljanja sta bih smela da kazem a sta ne, da li su one iskrene ili nisu, sve je to previse i nepotrebno, i jednostavno sa se udaljila od tih ljudi. I tako sam ostala sa par drugarica, i to je bilo super, one su stvarno moje srodne duse i mogu im reci bilo sta, bilo kada. Ali naravno stvari se uvek promene u jednom trenutku, pojavi se neki decko, vreme za blejanje se podeli na blejanje sa drugaricom i blejanje sa deckom. I vremenom vise nisi ti ta koju drugarica zove kada dobije dve karte za pozoriste ili kada joj treba rame za plakanje, osim ako tom plakanju nije uzrok gore pomenuti decko, ali bilo bi pogresno radovati se tim trenucima. I onda povrh svega toga probudis se jednog jutra, skuvas kafu, ulogujes se na facebook i iskoci ti poziv u grupu: PROSLAVA 5 GODINA MATURE!!!  Naravno, prva pomisao na to mi je bila: Ha, kao da zelim da vidim sve te izvestacene idiote koje sam mrzela u srednjoj skoli? Ali, istina je ustvari, da zelim, samo niko od tih ljudi ne zeli mene da vidi, jer ja sam bila autsajder, nisam uradila nista posebno za ovih 5 godina, nemam cime da ih odusevim. Jos uvek nisam zavrsila faks i ne radim zaista nista posebno u zivotu. Tako da definitvno necu ici, nemam ni sa kim da odem,zapravo moja 'srodna dusa' nikako nije zainteresovana da ide, tako da... Verovatno bih se uzasno provela, svi ce se napiti i slusati nadodnjake i....opet cu se osetiti kao tada u srednjoj, izolovano od svih, nevidljivo... SAmo, ne mogu da prestanem da mislim na to kako ce se svi oni koliko god to okupljanje bilo glupo, zaista zabaviti i evocirati uspomene iz tog vremena, a ja cu sedeti kod kuce teseci se da je to skroz glupo i da jajednostavno ne pripadam tamo i da sam drugacija od njih. Ali ne mogu da se otrgnem pomisli da mozda i nisam tako drugacija vec sam samo gubitnik?

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